She
by IaMaFaLlEnDaRkAnGeL
Summary: Spencer is a quiet girl that works in a bookshop, until the great rock star herself Ashley Davies walks through her door... Usual disclaimer I don't own charaters etc...
1. Chapter 1

**She.**

I walked slowly down Portobello Road, carrying a loaf of bread, it was a full fruit market day and I wanted to make the most of the spring fruits that would be on sale. As I went by a television shop I caught a glimpse of her, her being the Ashley Davies, of course, I've seen her films and always thought she was, well, fabulous but, you know, million miles from the world I live in. Which is here in Notting Hill not a bad place to be.

So this is where I, Spencer Carlin, spend my days and years in this small village in the middle of a city in a house with a blue door with my lodger of a brother Glen.

"Glen!" He appears wearing only shorts.

"Hey, you couldn't help me with an incredibly important decision, could you?" Looking at me expectantly.

"This is important in comparison to, let's say, whether they should cancel third world debt?"

"That's right -- I'm at last going out on a date with the great Janine and I just want to be sure I've picked the right t-shirt." He was so lame.

"What are the choices?"

"Well... wait for it..." He pulls on a t-shirt "First there's this one..."

The t-shirt was white with a horrible looking plastic alien coming out of it, jaws open, blood everywhere. It says 'I Love Blood.' Seriously I don't know how we are related sometimes.

"Yes -- might make it hard to strike a really romantic note." I say as serious as I can.

"Point taken." He heads back up the stairs... talks as he changes... "I suspect you'll prefer the next one." He re-enters in a white t-shirt, with a large arrow, pointing down to his flies, and saying, 'Get It Here.' "Cool, huh?"

"Yes -- she might think you don't have true love on your mind." Finding this quite amusing now I decide to go with it.

"Wouldn't want that..." Back up he goes "Okay, just one more." He comes down wearing it. Lots of hearts, saying, 'You're the most beautiful woman in the world.'

"Well, yes, that's perfect. Well done." It was still overly childish and stupid looking but it was the best you probably get out of Glen.

"Thanks. Great. Wish me luck." He said as he turns and walks upstairs proudly. I saw that on the back of the t-shirt, also printed in big letters, is written 'Fancy a fuck?'

"Good luck." I said sniggering to myself he would need it.

And so it was just another hopeless Wednesday, as I set off through the market to work, this is work, by the way, my little travel bookshop... A small unpretentious store... named 'The Travel Book Co.' which, well, sells travel books and, to be frank with you, doesn't always sell many of those. I took it on after my mother before she passed always trying to please her and never succeeding after admitting I was gay, we never had quite the same relationship we once did, so here I am still trying to please her.

It is a small shop, slightly chaotic, bookshelves everywhere, with little secret bits round corners with even more books. Carmen, my sole employee, is waiting enthusiastically. She is very keen, an un-crushable optimist ever since I took her off the streets and gave her the job, perhaps without cause. What can I say I liked her. I walked into the back and started to crunch the numbers.

"Classic, absolutely classic. Profit from major sales push -- minus $347." I muttered not realising Carmen was in the doorway.

"Shall I go get a cappuccino? Ease the pain." She smiled.

"Yes, better get me a half. All I can afford."

"I get your logic. Demi-capu coming up." She salutes and bolts out the door as someone walked in.

I looked up casually. "Can I help you?"

She turned to me, it was Ashley Davies, the biggest rock star in the world here in my shop. She looked every bit the most divine, subtle, beautiful woman on earth I had ever seen.

"No, thanks. I'll just look around." She said very self-assured and self-contained.

She wanders over to a shelf as I watch her -- and picks out a quite smart coffee table book on Turkey. I knew first hand that that book was a load of rubbish.

"That book's really not good – just in case, you know, browsing turned to buying. You'd be wasting your money."

"Really?" She seemed genuinely surprised that I had offered her advice.

"Yes. This one though is... very good." I offer her one that I think might help if she wants Turkey "I think the man who wrote it has actually been to Turkey, which helps. There's also a very amusing incident with a kebab.

"Thanks. I'll think about it." She smiled the most beautiful smile I think I had ever seen. Caught in a daze I saw a man stuffing a book down his trousers in the security monitor.

"If you could just give me a second." I feel her eyes on me as I move toward the back of the shop and approach a man in slightly ill-fitting clothes.

"Excuse me." I say politely.

"Yes."

"Bad news. We've got a security camera in this bit of the shop."

"So?" One thing I hated more than thieves was ones that didn't admit it when they were caught.

"So, I saw you put that book down your trousers."

"What book?"

"The one down your trousers." I said pointing.

"I haven't got a book down my trousers." I could see I was getting nowhere.

"Right, well, then we have something of an impasse. I tell you what, I'll call the police and what can I say? If I'm wrong about the whole book-down-the-trousers scenario, I really apologize."

"Okay -- what if I did have a book down my trousers?" Oh here we go…

"Well, ideally, when I went back to the desk, you'd remove book from your trousers, and either wipe it and put it back, or buy it. See you in a sec." I decided to leave him with the decision.

I returned to my desk. In the monitor I see the guy pull the book out of the trousers and put back on the shelves, then drifts out towards the door. I turn back to Ashley.

"Sorry about that..."

"No, that's fine. I was going to steal one myself but now I've changed my mind. Signed by the author, I see." God, beautiful and funny, kill me now.

"Yes, we couldn't stop him. If you can find an unsigned copy, it's worth an absolute fortune." She smiles. Suddenly the thief guy is back again.

"Excuse me." He says to Ashley.

"Yes."

"Can I have your autograph?"

"What's your name?"

"Rufus." She signs his scruffy piece of paper. He tries to read it. "What does it say?"

"Well, that's the signature" she said pointing at the paper "and above, it says 'Dear Rufus – you belong in jail.'"

"Nice one. Would you like my phone number?" I wish this arse would leave.

"Tempting but... no, thank you." She remained polite and spoke softly with a sight sexy huskiness to her voice.

The thief left as she turned back to me. "I think I will try this one." Handing me a $20 note and the book I said was rubbish.

I spoke to her as I dealt with her transaction "Oh, right, on second thoughts maybe it wasn't that bad. Actually it's a sort of masterpiece really. None of those childish kebab stories you get in so many travel books these days. And I'll throw in one of these for free." I was a stuttering mess as I dropped one of the signed books into her bag. "Very useful for lighting fires, wrapping fish, that sort of things."

She looks at me with a slight smile. "Thanks." With that she put her aviators and cap back on and left the shop.

Minutes later Carmen walked back in "Cappuccino as ordered."

"Thanks. I don't think you'll believe who was just in here."

"Who? Someone famous?"

But I decide to keep it quiet and to myself that I had met the most famous rock star ever here in my little shop. "No. No-one -- no-one." Somehow I just couldn't shake her out of my head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Omg you guys! Thanks for the reviews and favorite stories and stuff :) Advise too always welcome... Funny too see some people like to imagine Spashley with the british accents and some people don't but i thought I would go to my roots lol anyways on with the story and thanks again peoples!! :) x**

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We drank our coffees and made light conversation until they were finished.

"Right, want another one?"

"Yes. No, wait, let's go crazy, I'll have an orange juice." Carmen always gets a little too excited over small things.

I set off to get the drinks, coming back out of the tiny shop I swung round in the direction of mine, bumping straight into someone as I did, the drinks went flying out of my hands soaking the person I bumped into.

"Oh Jesus." Wait a minute I knew that voice, I'd done it again I bumped into the Ashley Davies!!

"Here, let me help." I grabbed some paper napkins and started to clean it off getting far too near her breasts in the panic of it...

"What are you doing?!" She stepped back.

I jumped back "Nothing, nothing... Look, I live just over the street, you could get cleaned up." Omg! Ashley Davies in my house, omg, breathe Spencer breathe.

"No thank you. I need to get my car back." Shaking her hand that was wet from the orange juice.

"I also have a phone. I'm confident that in five minutes we can have you spick and span and back on the street again... in the non-prostitute sense obviously." God, sometimes I wish I didn't' open my mouth.

Despite her being genuinely annoyed she turned to look at me. "Okay. So what does 'just over the street' mean -- give it to me in yards."

"Eighteen yards. That's my house there." I point to the door of my house from where we were standing. I could see her arguing with herself but eventually she agreed.

As we enter I see what a mess Glen has left the place in, I'm going to kill him. "Come on in. I'll just..." I kicked some old shoes under the stairs, started to bin an unfinished pizza and hide a plate of breakfast in a cupboard as she entered my kitchen. "It's not that tidy." I say apologetically as I guide her up the stairs, after taking the bag of books from her...

"The bathroom is right at the top of the stairs and there's a phone on the desk up there." She heads upstairs.

I began tidying up frantically when she had gone until I hear Ashley's feet on the stairs. She walks down, wearing a short, sparkling black top beneath her leather jacket with her trainers still on I might add looking unbelievably gorgeous I am dazzled by the sight of her. After telling myself to stop staring I eventually get around to talking. "Would you like a cup of tea before you go?"

"No thanks."

"Coffee?"

"No."

"Orange juice" I inwardly curse myself. "…probably not."

"Something else cold -- coke, water, some disgusting sugary drink pretending to have something to do with fruits of the forest?"

She smiled shyly "Really, no."

"Would you like something to nibble -- apricots, soaked in honey – quite why, no one knows -- because it stops them tasting of apricots, and makes them taste like honey, and if you wanted honey, you'd just buy honey, instead of apricots, but nevertheless -- there we go -- yours if you want them." I couldn't stop myself I had turned into a babbling idiot, what was she doing to me?

"No."

"Do you always say 'no' to everything?" She hadn't said anything but no since we got here. She paused and looked at me closely.

"No." I think she realised she'd said I again "I better be going. Thanks for you're… err…help."

"You're welcome and, may I also say... heavenly." Man, it took a lot to get that out loud. I am not a smooth-talking woman. "Take my one chance to say it. After you've read that terrible book, you're certainly not going to be coming back to the shop." She smiles. She's cool.

"Thank you."

"Yes. Well. My pleasure." I guided her towards the door.

"Nice to meet you. Surreal but nice." In a slightly awkward moment, I showed her out the door. I closed the door and shook my head in wonder.

'Surreal but nice.' What was I thinking?

I wonder back to the living room in silence, when there's a knock on the door.

"Coming." I announce as I open the door. It's her. "Oh hi. Forget something?"

"I forgot my bag." She said stepping in.

"Oh right." I shoot into the kitchen to pick up the forgotten shopping bag, and hand it to her. "Here we go."

"Thanks. Well..." We stood in the corridor near my door, it was a very small space and I couldn't help but notice how close she was. Second time saying goodbye I felt a strange feeling of intimacy, next thing I know she leans forward and she kissing me. Total silence engulfed a real sense of the strangeness of those lips, those famous lips on mine. She pulled back.

"I apologize for the 'surreal but nice' comment. Disaster..." I point out not wanting to bring it up again, it's not like I was ever going to see her again.

"Don't worry about it. I thought the apricot and honey business was the real low point."

Suddenly I hear a clicking of a key in the lock.

"Oh my God. My brother. I'm sorry, there's no excuse for him."

Glen walks in. "Hi." He walks past inauspiciously and heads into the kitchen.

I'm just going to go into the kitchen to get some food -- and then I'm going to tell you a story that will make you want to puke up your own breakfast." With that he left us in the corridor.

"Probably best not tell anyone about this."

"Right. No one. I mean, I'll tell myself sometimes but... don't worry, I won't believe it." There I go again, mumbling idiot.

"Bye." And she leaves, with just a touch of my hand. Glen came out of the kitchen, eating something white out of a Styrofoam container with a spoon.

"There's something wrong with this yoghurt."

"It's not yoghurt -- it's mayonnaise." I smirk.

"Well, there you go." taking another big spoonful "On for a video fest tonight? I've got some absolute classics."

Another night with my stupid brother watching pointless films, I head upstairs to bed with only one certain girl on mind.


	3. Chapter 3

After an early start this morning I finally head home from work seeing Glen dressed in his scuba diving gear. "What on earth are you wearing that for?"

"Coupla reasons really, one no clean clothes and two I thought it looked kinda cool, you know, spacey…"

"You know you never will have any clean clothes unless you actually wash them!" He was such a slob! "So… Any messages?"

"Yeah, I wrote a couple down."

"Two? That's it?"

"You want me to write down all your messages?" I closed my eyes in exasperation.

"Who were the ones you didn't write down from?"

"Erm, let's see... No. Gone completely. Oh no, wait. There was one from mum: she said don't forget lunch and her leg's hurting again."

"Right. No one else?"

"Absolutely not." He leant back in his chair and relaxes. "Though if we're going for this obsessive writing-down-all-messages thing, some girl called Ashley called a few days ago."

I froze and turned to look at Glen. "What did she say?"

"Well, it was genuinely bizarre... she said, hi, it's Ashley and then she said, call me at the Ritz and then gave herself a completely different name."

"Which was?"

"Absolutely no idea. Remembering one name's bad enough..."

I finally pluck up the courage to call her sometime later and after querying it with the hotel receptionist and after Glen finally remembered she said Flintstone I was put through.

Flintstone was indeed the magic word.

"Oh my God." I practiced how to sound. "Hello. Hi. Hi."

"Hi." The sexy voice on the other end replied.

Damn, caught out "Oh hi. It's Spencer Carlin. We, ahm I work in a bookshop."

"You played it pretty cool there, waiting for three days to call." I could almost see her smirking on the other end.

"No, I've never played anything cool in my entire life. Glen, who I'll stab to death later, never gave me the message." Come to think of it I don't know why I admitted that.

"Oh -- Okay."

"Perhaps I could drop round for tea or something?" Oh how very British of me, God what kind of hot rock star would want me to drop round for bloody tea?!

"Yeah, unfortunately, things are going to be pretty busy, but... okay, let's give it a try. Four o'clock could be good."

My heart just stopped.

"Right. Great." We hung up…

Oh man, I think I'm going to have a heart attack did I just make a date with Ashley Davies?!

It was getting near to three so I got in the shower and got myself ready jumped on a bus and walked toward the Ritz.

After being told which room and how to get there I eventually found myself outside her room so I knock. A bright, well-tailored girl opens the door. "Hello, I'm Karen. Sorry things are running a bit late."

She handed me an expensively produced CD, along with some sort of press kits, with the poster picture of Ashley, for the album "Fallen"

A few seconds later we entered the main waiting room there were a number of what looked like journalists waiting around. "What did you think of the album?"

"Erm… It's great, very good" I winced I've never been good at lying. "The name's Spencer Carlin. I think she might be expecting me?"

"Okay, take a seat. I'll check." I sit down as Karen goes off.

I start to wonder what I'm going to say to Ashley when I see her, but I'm interrupted by my thoughts when Karen comes back and leads me to another door holding it open "You've got five minutes." I walk in through big golden doors but Karen stays outside.

There she is, framed in the window, looking utterly gorgeous. We exchanged hellos and paused there was a fair amount of tension I mean we hardly knew each other and the first and last time we met, we kissed.

I finally managed to say something. "Sorry about not ringing back. The whole two-names concept was totally too much for my brothers pea-sized intellect."

She smiled. "No, it's a stupid privacy thing. I always choose a cartoon character, last time out, I was Mrs. Bambi."

Just then a fairly grave, old, authoritative looking PR man consulting a list comes in. "Everything okay Ash?"

"Yeah, thanks." Ashley nodded at him, he turned to me "So, you are from Look magazine?" I nodded looking back to Ashley.

"Is that so?" I saw her face drop.

The man left again and I had no idea what to say I put my head in my hands in panic. "I'm sorry, I arrived outside, they thrust this thing into my hand, I didn't know what to do."

"So your not just some part-time journalist looking for some inside story?!" Her tone was harsh and the softness of her face now had a tint of anger to it.

"What?! No! I work in a bookstore remember? I came because you asked me… Maybe this was a bad idea." I got up to leave.

"No, wait I'm sorry, it's my fault, I thought this would all be over by now. I just… I asked you here because I sort of wanted to sort of apologize for the kissing thing. I seriously don't know what got in to me and I just wanted to make sure you were fine about it." She was hesitant and nervous but also really cute as she was speaking.

"Absolutely fine about it." I continue to stare at her until she clears her throat. "I'm just a complete moron. Sorry. This is the sort of thing that happens in dreams, not in real life. Good dreams, obviously, it's a dream to see you." I stuttered out.

"And what happens next in the dream?" Looking at me now with such intensity I just want to reach over and kiss her senseless, never stopping.

It's a challenge to be able not to do that and form words but I manage. "Well, I suppose in the dream scenario. I just... change my personality, because you can do that in dreams, and walk across and kiss you but you know it'll never happen."

I paused when I noticed we were moving towards each other when... that bloke came in again, God can a girl catch a break. "Time's up, I'm afraid. Sorry it was so short. Did you get what you wanted?"

"Very nearly." I smiled at Ashley who in turn was smirking directly back.

"Maybe time for one last question?" He walks out.

"Right…Are you busy tonight?"

"Yes." Another journalist walks in preventing us from continuing our conversation so to say goodbye we stood and shook hands formally, a tingly feeling went straight from my arm to my chest as soon as my hand met hers.

"Well, it was nice to meet you. Surreal but nice." I met her warm chocolaty eyes and she flashed me a nose-crinkling smile that lit up her whole face. I could only hope mine was recuperating.

And there it was the day I met Ashley Davies, I couldn't wipe the smile from my face as I walked across the room to leave.

"Miss Carlin?" I turned to see Karen heading my way. "Have you got a moment?" She lead me back into another room where Ashley was sitting so relaxed now, she looked beautiful.

After Karen had left we were alone again and certain nervousness filled the air around us.

"So that thing I was doing tonight, I'm not doing it any more. I told them I had to spend the evening with Look's best journalist." I never really noticed how shy she was until now her eyes were trained on the floor.

"Oh well, great, perfect." Then it hit me. "Oh no, it's my sister's birthday, balls! We're meant to be having dinner." How could I get out of that?

"Okay, fine."

"But no, I'm sure I can get out of it." Think Spencer, think.

"No, I mean, if it's fine with you, I'll, you know, be your date." I almost choked on my own saliva.

"You'll be my date at my little sister's birthday party" Not quite believing that she understood what that meant, I mean my family were a little crazy.

"If that's all right." She looked at me as if to say 'Why is that not ok?'

I quickly recovered. "I'm sure it's all right. My dad is cooking and he is known to be the worst cook in the world, but you know, you could hide the food in your handbag or something." I giggled at the thought.

"Okay." Smiling that thousand watt, nose crinkling smile my way again. It was beginning to make me go weak at the knees.

I just made a second date with Ashley!

On the way home I couldn't help but hum and smile, enjoying the feeling of the fluttering butterflies in my stomach.

What a brilliant day this turned out to be.


	4. Chapter 4

The door was opened impatiently by my dad who opens it and turns back without even looking at us standing outside.

"Come on in, vague food crisis." I looked at Ashley to say I told you so as she followed me along the corridor into the kitchen. Where my mother, Paula stood.

"Hiya, sorry, the cottage pie is proving more complicated than expected." I could see her staring Ashley up and down.

"He's cooking cottage pie?" I made an icky face.

"Don't even ask." She turned to Ashley "Hi, good Lord, you're the spitting image of..." I cut her off.

"Mum, this is Ashley… Ashley my mum Paula."

"Right." She paused, I couldn't tell if she was giving her evils because of who she was or whether it was just the same old thing.

"Okay… Crisis over." My dad mentioned as he made his way back over to us.

"Dad, this is Ashley. Ashley… Arthur" Pointing to them as I introduced them.

"Hello, Ashley" He leans forward to shake her hand when he recognizes her, the words just falls out "...Davies, have some wine."

"Thank you." Ashley smiled politely as she received the glass of wine my dad gives her.

Then the doorbell goes, dad goes to get it walking back in with my gonky little sister Honey.

"Hi guys." See said waving until her eyes settled on Ashley "Oh my God!"

"Hun, this is Ashley. Ashley, this is Honey my baby sister." I could feel Honey's excitement from where I was stood and could tell she was about to blow.

"Hiya." She went to shake Honey's hand but was enveloped into a hug instead.

"Oh God this is one of those key moments in life, when it's possible you can be really, genuinely cool and I'm going to fail a hundred percent. I absolutely and totally and utterly adore you and I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world and more importantly I genuinely believe and have believed for some time now that we can be best friends. What do you think?" She looked between Honey and me with genuine shock on her face. She was speechless.

"Erm... I think that sounds, you know, lucky me. Happy Birthday." She hands her a present. I looked to her with amazement I didn't even know she'd got her a present, not only was she beautiful but she was also kind and loving not qualities that come together very often.

"Oh my God. You gave me a present. We're best friends already." To see the happiness on my sisters face because of something Ashley had done warmed me inside until I felt I would pop.

The front door bell went again, my dad answered walking back to us with Aiden in tow. He was a great family friend since my high school days and always late. "I'm sorry I'm so late. Messed up at work again, I fear. Millions down the drain."

"Aiden, this is Ashley."

"Hello, Ashley. Delighted to meet you." He didn't recognize her and turns to Honey. "Honey Bunny, happy birthday to you." Handing her his present "It's a hat. You don't have to wear it or anything."

A few minutes later after being ridiculed by Aiden about who she was, where we had met and if I'd slept with her yet, dad finally announced dinner. I was thankful Aiden hadn't recognised her yet or I knew there would be another twenty-one questions.

We all move towards the kitchen. While Honey shows Ashley where the bathroom is.

A moment's silence as they leave, then in a split seconds the others all turn to me.

"Quickly, quickly, talk very quickly what are you doing here with Ashley Davies?!" My dad asked hurriedly.

"Ashley Davies?!" I could literally see the light bulb go off in Aiden's head "The movie star? …Oh God. Oh God. Oh Goddy God."

As Honey rushed back in "I don't believe it. I walked into the loo with her. I was still talking when she started unbuttoning her jeans... She had to ask me to leave."

I couldn't believe this they were making idiots of themselves there was no way Ashley would even want to stay now.

I was wrong as Ashley made her way back to the table and we all sat down to eat. My whole family minus Glen who had come up with a lame excuse of a date not to come, not that he ever did. More like he didn't want to be ridiculed by mum and dad for being a bum.

Moving on through the evening it was very relaxed, as we eat dinner. I took a few seconds to watch the evening going well so far, Ashley looks as if she is taking all this in, friends, my family as we mess around and Honey blows out the candles on her cake.

"Having you here, Ashley, firmly establishes what I've long suspected, that we really are the most desperate lot of under-achievers. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, in fact, I think it's something we should take pride in. I'm going to give the last brownie as a prize to the saddest act here." I could tell my dad wanted the brownie and was using the competition to get it.

There's a little pause when Aiden finally speaks up "Well, obviously it's me, isn't it, I work in a job I don't understand and everyone keeps getting promoted above me. I haven't had a girlfriend since... puberty and, well, the long and short of it is, nobody fancies me, and if these cheeks get any chubbier, they never will." Wow, I almost felt sorry for the guy.

"Nonsense. I fancy you." Wait what my little sister and Aiden? "Or I did before you got so fat." Thanks god for that.

"You see -- and unless I'm much mistaken, your job still pays you rather a lot of money, while Honey here, she earns nothing flogging her guts out at London's seediest record store."

"Yes. And I don't have hair -- I've got feathers, and I've got funny googly eyes, and I'm attracted to cruel men and ... no one will ever marry me because my boobies have actually started shrinking!" She paused "On the other hand, my best friend is Ashley Davies." Ashley smirked and giggled to herself.

"I don't know, look at Spencer. Very unsuccessful professionally, single, used to be stunning, now kind of just cute and absolutely certain never to hear from Ashley again after she's heard that her nickname at school was Goldie locks."

They all laugh, I saw Ashley smiling at me but when I caught her looking she looked down shyly. "So I get the brownie?" Hey at least I get something out of my embarrassment.

"Wait a minute. What about me?" Ashley spoke up looking around the table. "A shot at it at least?" I play along with her game just to see where she is going with it.

"You'll have to prove it. This is a great brownie and I'm going to fight for it. State your claim."

"Well, I've been on a diet since I was nineteen, which means basically I've been hungry for a decade. I've had a sequence of not nice relationships, one of which turned violent: and every time my heart gets broken it gets splashed across the newspapers as entertainment. Meantime, my dad died when I was a child but I never saw him anyway and my mother wants nothing to do with me." While she says this, quiet settles around the table. The thing is I could tell she sort of means it and was opening up to us.

"Really?" We were all stunned by her revelations.

"Yeah she's always away and ever since I came out as a lesbian she just stopped talking to me, an I mean one day my looks will go, they'll find out I can't sing anymore and I'll become a sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while."

Silence fell on us... they all look at her...

"Nah!!! Nice try gorgeous but you don't fool anyone." Trust my dad to break the ice, the mood was instantly broken and we were all laughing.

It was short lived however, I saw my mother stand up from her seat with fury written all over her face. "You mean… mean you're gay?!" Silence filled the room once more and Ashley's eyes bulged at the outburst "Get the hell out of my house!"

She turned to me enraged. "Spencer, it's bad enough you insist that you are but to bring it here to rub in my face in the form of a stranger, who I opened my home up too…Well… What do you have to say for yourself?! Huh?!"

Oh crap, here we go.


	5. Chapter 5

My dad hurried to my aid dragging my mum off to one side to calm her down after he had said something to her she stormed past us and upstairs. He returned with a guilty face.

"I apologise for her behaviour Ashley, she has had some trouble dealing with the idea of Spencer happening to like other girls and I'm afraid she is somewhat of a homophobe"

"It's fine, really I've had worse." She smiled sadly and looked at me "Well thank you for inviting me to dinner and everything but I better be heading home it's getting quite late."

"Sure no problem, I'll walk you."

"Thanks for dinner, Mr Carlin" She thanked as we headed out the door saying our goodbyes as we left.

We step outside the house when I hear uproar from inside of everyone letting out his or her true feelings, I felt a little embarrassed.

"Sorry, they always do that when I leave the house." I giggled at how stupid that sounded.

"Goldie Locks, huh?"

"It's the hair! It's to do with the hair." We both laughed.

"Why is she so homophobic?"

"It was her upbringing, very strict catholic, she doesn't know anything else, it's hard for her to accept something different to what she's known her whole life, you know?"

She nodded and smiled at me understanding. We walked in silence for a moment.

"Would you like to come... my house is just...?"

She smiles and shakes her head. "Too complicated."

"That's fine." Can't blame a girl for trying to keep this going a little longer.

"Busy tomorrow?" Wait what?

"I thought you were leaving."

"I was." She grinned a kick arse grin. "What's in there?" She said as we passed some private gardens. "Let's go in."

She made it clear that she is waiting with interest on what I would do. I rattle the gate to make sure it was stable, and then start to climb but I don't quite make it, and fall back onto the pavement... "Whoopsidaisies."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing." I blushed.

"Yes, you did. You said 'whoopsidaisies'" There was a tiny pause while she looked at me curiously.

I don't think so. No one has said 'whoopsidaisies,' do they? I mean unless they're..." She cut me off.

"There's no 'unless.' No one has said 'whoopsidaisies' for fifty years and even then it was only little girls with blonde ringlets."

"Exactly. Here we go again." I tried again and unfortunately, spontaneously fail and yet another 'Whoopsidaisies.' falls from my mouth. What was it with that?!

We looked at each other. "It's this disease I've got, it's a clinical thing. I'm taking pills and having injections, it won't last long."

We giggled at my stupidness but it felt as though she was laughing with me and not at me. "Step aside." She started to climb.

"Actually be careful Ash, it's harder than it looks..." but she's already almost over. "Oh no it's not, it's easy." A few seconds later. Ashley jumped down into the garden.

"Come on, Goldie Locks." She turned back to smile at me as I clambered over with terrible difficulty, falling half the way, I get up and dust myself off, and heads towards where she stands.

"Now seriously, what in the world in this garden could make that ordeal worthwhile?"

She leans forward and before I knew it her lips were on mine, the first time since the first time. This time it was a proper kiss not rushed, but slow and sensual as we pulled each other closer.

As we pulled back, I tucked one of her curly brown locks behind her ear. "Nice garden." I whispered giving her a gentle kiss.

We walked around the garden it seemed to have a magical presence like a moonlit dream. I didn't know if it was because of Ashley or it was just that beautiful.

We came across a single, simple wooden bench and looked at the inscription on it. 'June Wetherby, 1917- 1992.'

"For June, who loved this garden from Joseph who always sat beside her." I could tell she was slightly chocked by it. "Some people do spend their whole lives together."

I nodded standing on either side of the bench, looking at each other. She truly was beautiful, so perfect and the moonlight lit up her features like an angel at night. I moved closer to her and wrapped my arms around her waist letting her know I was still there.

I held her close and breathed all of her in, as she placed gentle kisses up from neck and back to my lips. More passionate this time, getting a lot more heated "Ash…" She looked at me deeply scanning across my face and back to my eyes.

"I love it when you call me Ash, normally I don't like it but with you somehow it's different… I don't know, I guess I trust you."

I smiled big, like jaw aching big and kissed her again letting her know how I felt and that she could indeed trust me. "So fancy meeting up again soon then… I mean since you said you're not leaving now… if you want to that is, you don't have…"

She cut me off when her sweet tasting mouth was back infused with mine. "I'd love that."

I couldn't tell you how long we stayed on that bench for smiling at each other, talking and giving gentle kisses. I walked Ashley slowly back to her hotel, not wanting the night to end.

I give her one long goodnight kiss. "Night, Ash" She gave a nose-crinkling smile and headed inside.

I felt like I could fly.

* * *

**Thanks again for all the story favorites and adding this too your story alerts plus the reviews! I really do love them, I try to reply or answer to all of them :) x**


	6. Chapter 6

I jumped out of the shower and threw my towel around me as I walked into my bedroom drying my hair off a bit I glanced at my clock, when I realised the time was I knew I was running late for my second date with Ashley, I dressed and shot down stairs in the hope of finding my glasses.

"Have you seen my glasses?" I shot past Glen who was slouched out across the sofa.

"No, afraid not."

"This happens every time I go to the cinema. Average day, my glasses are everywhere, everywhere I look, glasses. But the moment I need them they disappear. It's one of life's real cruelties". I was becoming increasingly frustrated.

"That's compared to, like, earthquakes in the Far East or testicular cancer?"

Ignoring him I rushed out the door, I had sort of got my glasses I mean if my scuba goggles counted, they had been prescriptioned for me and Glen had obviously been wearing mine the other day when he was trying out his spacey look, I rolled my eyes as I knocked on Ashley's hotel room door.

"Hey ready to go?"

"Yeah" She walked out to where I was, she had on tight black skinny jeans, a rock and roll top that was clinging to her perfectly, and she looked stunning.

We arrived at the cinema and decided what to see, I insisted on paying so she insisted on buying the popcorn, once in our seats I grab my scuba goggles to put on. I turned to Ash and grin "Couldn't find my glasses"

I giggled as I shoved to pieces of popcorn in either side of my mouth and started to make kissy faces at her. She laughed a full throttle belly laugh, it still had her husky tone to it and I swear if I wasn't already sitting down it would of made me weak at the knees.

After the film Ashley had asked if I wanted to grab dinner and naturally I agreed, she took me to a very posh, smart Japanese restaurant. As we chatted about nothing and everything I couldn't help but notice how easy she was to talk to and how it was so relaxed between us.

A big laugh at another table bought us out of our own little world "No - No- No! Give me Ashley Davies any day."

We looked at each other. She smiled at me reassuringly.

"Whatever, she's so clearly up for it." Just like that her smile faded. "You know some girls, they're all 'stay away chum' but Ashley, she's absolutely gagging for it." This is horrible. "You know what they say about girls in rock and roll, really filthy you can just flip over..."

"Right, that's it." I got up and went round the corner to the men. "I'm sorry to disturb you guys but…"

"Can I help you?" One of them sniped.

"Well, yes, I wish I hadn't overheard your conversation but I did and I just think, you know, the person you're talking about is a real person and I think she probably deserves a little bit more consideration, rather than having jerks like you drooling over her." I was aware I was not very convincing or a frightening figure but I wanted to stand up for Ash.

"Oh sod off. What are you, her keeper?" They all laughed when I felt Ashley pull my arm and drag me away.

"I'm sorry." I said gutted, holding onto her arm to provide her some sort of comfort.

"No, that's fine. I love that you tried... time was I'd have done the same." She paused "In fact, give me a second." She walked straight back to their table.

"Hi." They all looked up agape. "I'm sorry about my friend, she's very sensitive."

"No, look, I'm sorry..." The insulting one started but Ashley cut him off.

"Please, please, let's just leave it there. I'm sure you meant no harm, and I'm sure it was just friendly banter and I'm sure you dicks are all the size of peanuts it's a perfect match for the size of your brains. Enjoy your meal. The tuna's really good." With that she walked back over to me.

"I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done that." She kept repeating to herself as we were walking back to her hotel.

"No, you were brilliant." I just wish I could of done that.

"I'm rash and I'm stupid and what am I doing with you?" she giggled.

"I don't know, I'm afraid." I really didn't she was famous and beautiful ans I was well… me.

"I don't know either." We arrived at the end of the arcade.

"Here we are." She paused looking at me deeply "Do you want to come up?"

"There seem to be lots of reasons why I shouldn't." What? Did I just say that, say yes you idiot head!

"There are lots of reasons. Do you want to come up?"

"Erm… well yeah… I'd really like that…"

"Give me five minutes." She said as I watched her go inside.


	7. Chapter 7

Nervous as hell, I walk into the hotel and along the corridor and knock on the door.

"Hiya."

"Hi." I said kissing her on the cheek. "To be able to do that is such a wonderful thing."

"You've got to go." She paused and I could tell something was slightly awry.

"Why?"

"Because my girlfriend Kelly, who I thought was in America, is in fact in the next room."

"Your girlfriend?" I was duly shocked but trying to be calm.

"Yes..." looking at me with guilty eyes I almost said no worries when a voice in the back came into the room along with the whore look a like I presumed was Ashley's other girlfriend. I knew this was too good too be true.

"Who is it?"

I thought quickly to save her skin "Ahm... room service."

"How you doing? I thought you all wore uniforms."

"Well, yes usually I'd just changed to go home but I thought I'd just deal with this final call." I didn't know why I was covering for Ashley but I did.

"Oh great. Could you do me a favour and try to get us some really cold water up here? Still, not sparkling. Unless it's illegal in the UK to serve liquids below room temperature: I don't want you going to jail just to satisfy my whims now." I nodded not really believing this situation. "Maybe you could just adios the dishes and empty the trash too."

"Right." I nod again and do just that scooping up the two used plates and heads to the bin in a state of shock.

"Really don't do that I'm sure this is not her job." Ash finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry. Is this a problem?" Kelly asked with a hint of annoyance.

"Ah, no. It's fine."

"What's your name?"

"Ahm... Barbie."

Kelly slipped me a fiver. "Thank you, Barbie." She turned to Ashley "Hey nice surprise, or nasty surprise?"

"Nice surprise." She smiled but not fully like she did with me, I felt a prank of happiness that she couldn't make her smile like I did.

Then she kissed her. I felt my stomach drop, my chest hurt and I could feel tears welling up.

"Liar." Kelly turned back to me "She hates surprises." Then back to Ash "What are you ordering?" She shrugged "Well, don't over-do it. I don't want people saying, 'There goes that famous actress with the big, fat girlfriend." She wondered off taking off her t-shirt as she went. God, I wanted to hit her how could she say that to Ashley even after this I wouldn't even dream of being mean to her.

"I better leave." Ashley just nodded "This is a fairly strange reality to be faced with. To be honest, I don't realize..." She cut me off.

"I'm sorry... I don't know what to say."

"I think goodbye is traditional." With that I couldn't look at her anymore, I turned and left.

I jumped on the bus home sitting alone I look through the side window, seeing a massive poster that is taken up with a huge picture of Ashley. It was just my bloody luck.

When I got home I sat on my bed in the dark before succumbing and letting it all out.

* * *

**I'm so sorry it's so short, I know I suck, works been a bit mental and i now have another job lol. Will post more really soon I promise, please review and let me know what you think.**


	8. Chapter 8

I continued to look out the window, lost in thought you can guess about what when Glen approached me from behind grabbing my shoulders lightly.

"Come on, open up, this is me, Gleny. I'm in contact with some quite important spiritual vibrations. What's wrong?" He settled on the arm of a chair.

"Well, okay. There's this girl..."

"Aha! I'd been getting a female vibe. Good. Speak on, dear friend."

"She's someone I just can't, someone who... self-evidently can't be mine and it's as if I've taken love-heroin and now I can't even have it again. I've opened Pandora's Box and there's trouble inside."

Glen nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. Yeah... tricky... tricky... I knew a girl at school called Pandora... never got to see her box though." He roared with laughter, I had to smile a bit.

"Yes, very helpful. Thanks. " I decided to call in the support group, being my family that is and we all met up at the local restaurant.

"You didn't know she had a girlfriend already?" My dad asked more with curiosity than with accusation.

"No, did you?" Their looks make it obvious that everyone did. "Bloody hell, I can't believe it, my whole life ruined because I don't read 'Hello' magazine." I sighed and rested my head on the table in front of me.

"Let's face facts. This was always a no-go situation. Ashley's a goddess, of course no-ones as good as you sweetie but you know what happens to mortals who get involved with the gods." He chuckled to himself.

"Buggered?" I questioned raising my head to look at him.

"Every time but don't despair, I think I have the solution to your problems." They all look to him for wise words.

"Really?" God, I loved my dad.

"Her name is Tessa and she works in the contracts department. The hair, I admit, is unfashionable frizzy but she are as bright as a button and kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row… apparently."

So the next night he took it upon himself to set me up on a blind date with this Tessa much to my mother's disgust.

"Now, try." He said with a little fatherly encouragement.

I nodded and he heads off to get the door just as I hear the door open a loud bubbly voice come down the corridor.

"I got completely lost, it's real difficult, isn't it? Everything's got the word 'Kensington' in it -- Kensington Park Road, Kensington Gardens, Kensington bloody Park Gardens..."

She entered the kitchen with my dad and my god she had huge hair and it was orange!

"Tessa, this is Paula my wife."

"Oh hello" She shook my mums had really enthusiastically, up and down until she got an evil and stopped.

"…And this is Spencer."

"Hello Spencer. Your dad has told me everything about you." She was looking at me expectantly with her massive goggley eyes.

"Has he?" I asked frightened.

"Wine?" My dad diverted.

"Oh yes please. Come on, Spencie, let's get sloshed." She turned to take the wine and I had a split second to send a message of panic to my dad, he agreed, it's bad.

Later at dinner I didn't think it could get any worse.

"More Potatoes?" My dad had cooked again not all bad this time however.

"No, thank you, I'm a fruitarian." A what?!

"I didn't realize that. Sorry."

Always left for me to ask "And ahm, what's a fruitarian exactly?"

"We believe that fruits and vegetables have feelings so we think cooking is cruel. We only eat things that have actually fallen from the tree or bush that are, in fact, dead already." I had to hold in the giggles.

"Right. Right. Interesting stuff." I smirked "So these carrots..."

"Have been murdered, yes." Omg, she was actually serious!

"Murdered? Poor carrots. How beastly."

Dinner was over and I walked the frizz ball to the door.

Well Spencie, maybe we'll meet again some time."

"Yes. That would be... erm great." I tried to sound genuine but I think she finally caught on gave me a kiss on the cheek and was gone.

I shut the door quietly and head back into the living room... As I made eye contact with my parents we all burst into laughter.

"Murdered carrots?! Says the fruitarian" I said bursting into yet another giggle fit.

I made a gentle, exasperated gesture, and then decided to open up a bit.

"I think you have forgotten...what an unusual situation you have here to find someone you actually love, who'll love you the chances are... always miniscule. Look at me not counting you know who, I've only loved two girls in my whole life, both total disasters."

"Don't sell yourself short Spencer"

"No really, one of them marries me and then leaves me quicker than you can say Indiana Jones and the other, who seriously ought to have known better, casually marries my best friend."

We all roar with laughter once more.

"Oh no, this is just getting worse. I am going to find myself, 30 years from now, still on this couch." I sighed.

"You know Spencer I've been too hard on you, you've got to do what makes you happy and well… I'll start supporting you more." I looked up shocked at my mother as she kissed my forehead. "Do you want to stay?"

"Why not all that awaits me at home is you're masturbating idiot of a son."

She smiled at me "You're too good to him." I watch as my dad kisses her temple and leads her upstairs.

I left the house next morning, a little ruffled from a night away from home, and head off back to my place.

I'd just gotten out of the shower when the doorbell goes. I swung open the door with a bit of annoyance only to get the shock of life and the last person I expected to see.

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**Sorry again for the delay but to make up for it i'm posting at least one more chapter today and hopefully a few more this week :)**

**Let me know what you think =D x**


	9. Chapter 9

**Ok ok I'm really sorry it took this long, I know but I've been ill, made redundunt from my main job, got into a complicated relationship that now doesn't exsist and been battling a court case from when I got bottled. I know sympathy rant but really it's not your just gonna have to bear with me people and thanks for doing so, so far :) For everyone still reading it's appreciated, I hope your enjoying it and please review =D On with the show...**

There right in front of me stood a dark-glassed Ashley.

"Hi. Can I come in?"

"Come in." I said still in shock. Pulling my towel up more fully around me.

She moved inside her hair was a mess, her eyes were tired and she looked every bit the opposite of the idealized person they made her out to be, still beautiful somehow though.

We entered my living room and I thanked god Glen wasn't here "Your probably wondering what I'm doing here" I nodded "Some nude pictures that were taken years ago, have been leaked, I know it was... well, I was poor and it happens a lot, that's not an excuse but to make things worse, it now appears someone was filming me as well. So what was a stupid photo- shoot now looks like a porno film. And well... the pictures have been sold and they're just everywhere." I shook my head people could be awful. "I didn't know where else to go, the hotel's surrounded."

"This is the place." I smiled reassuringly.

"Thank you. I'm just in London for two days but with your papers, it's the worse place to be." She started to break down again and I could tell she was shaken and it broke my heart to see her like this.

"There are such horrible pictures. They're so grainy... they make me look like..." I cut her off.

"Don't think about it. We'll sort it out. Now what would you like tea or a bath first...?"

"A bath would be great." She smiled for the first time since she had been here.

I made the toast while she had her bath, when she arrived back downstairs in one of my nightdresses I nearly choked on my tea, it wasn't until she cleared her thought that I stopped staring and handed her a plate of toast and her tea.

We sat at the kitchen table finishing our food. "I'm really sorry about last time. She just flew in, I had no idea and I had no idea if I'd ever see her again."

"No, that's fine. It's not often one has the opportunity to adios the plates of a major Hollywood star. It was a thrill for me." She smiled her eyes meeting mine. "How is she?"

"I don't know. It got to the point where I couldn't remember any of the reasons why we were together. And you... and love?"

"Well, there's a question, without an interesting answer." I stood and cleared the dishes.

"I have thought about you."

"Erm, can we maybe not do this now?" I don't think she has to talk about this but she continued anyway.

"Just anytime I've tried to keep things normal with anyone normal, it's been a disaster."

"I appreciate that absolutely." I changed subject tactfully "So are you working on any new songs?"

"Yes a couple, I start recording in L.A. on Tuesday."

"Well can I hear one? I mean I've got an old guitar upstairs if you want?"

"Would you like to?"

"Defiantly, give me a second." I ran upstairs and grabbed the old Gibson that I had floating around and dusted it off a bit, taking it back down to Ashley who was waiting patiently.

A little later once Ashley had tuned and cleaned the guitar, much to my embarrassment, she was ready to play. "I… Erm, wrote this a little while ago so just bear with me and stay put till I'm done?" She questioned as if I would go somewhere, so I nodded and gave her a grin.

_Can you forgive me again?  
I don't know what I said,  
But I didn't mean to hurt you._

_I heard the words come out,  
I felt that I would die,  
It hurts so much, to hurt you._

_Then you look at me,  
You're not shouting anymore,  
You're silently broken._

_I'd give anything now,  
To kill those words for you,  
Each time I say something I regret,  
I cry I don't want to lose you,  
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah._

_'Cause you were made for me,  
Somehow I'll make you see,  
How happy you make me,_

_I can't live this life,  
Without you by my side,  
I need you to survive._

_So stay with me,  
You look in my eyes,  
And I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry._

Our eyes were locked and I knew then she was singing for me... to me.

_And you forgive me again,  
You're my one true friend,  
And I never meant to hurt you._

"What do you think?" Her voice was still slightly broken.

I leant over the guitar and gave her the biggest hug I could, we pulled apart and I watched her biggest smile of the day, I knew I was helping.

Later on when Glen came back to life, after staring at Ash for a full blown half hour, he went to go get some pizzas.

"Voila. Pizza for the Queen of Notting Hill it's got pepperoni, pineapple and a little more pepperoni." He said with a little too much excitement.

"Fantastic." I could tell Ashley was being sarcastic, and then it hit me.

"I don't mention that Ash's a vegetarian, did I?!"

"I have some parsnip stew from last week. If I just peel the skin off, it'll be perfect." Once more Glen outdid himself in disgustingness.

We picked off the pepperoni and Ash happily ate it like that after which we had coffee and cake.

A few hours later we were eating ice-cream out of the tub. "The thing that's so irritating is that now I'm so totally fierce when it comes to nudity clauses."

"You actually have clauses in your contact about nudity?" I giggled.

"Definitely, I mean for shoots on album covers, videos and stuff. Like mine says 'You may show the dent at the top of the artist's buttocks but neither cheek. In the event of a stunt person being used, this artist must have full consultation.'"

"You have a stunt bottom?" Why would she do that when hers is so perfectly rounded and firm and… mind out the gutter Spencer… Listen.

"I could have a stunt bottom, yes." She grinned.

"Would you be tempted to go for a slightly better bottom than your own?" Ashley just nodded eating more ice cream. "It's one hell of a job though. What do you put on your passport? Profession… Ashley Davies's bottom."

We both laughed. "Actually, I do my own ass work." She paused and smirked seductively. "It's delicious."

"What, the ice cream or your bottom?" I giggled again at how stupid that sounded.

"Both." She smiled.

We finished our ice cream and called it a night as I showed her to her room.

"Today has been a good day which under the circumstances is unexpected."

"Well, thanks" There was an awkward pause "Anyway time for bed or... sofa-bed."

"Right" She leant forward and kissed me on the cheek gently, then stepped into the bedroom and closed the door.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the reviews and favorites :) **

**Song in the last chapter was 'Forgive Me' by the amazingly talented Amy Lee and in this chapter another song by the angelic voice which is called 'October'**

**So this is the chapter a few of you have been anticipating it's rated NC-17 or 18 for all us english peoples :) If you don't like femslash dont read!**

I was lying on my sofa under a duvet eyes open thinking, I just couldn't sleep with Ashley so close. I get off the sofa decisively to sit on the side of it. As I sat up I heard a creak I bolted up knowing there was someone there.

"Oh my God..." I slowly made my way across the room

"Hello." Out of nowhere Glen popped up his white skin making him glow like a firefly I smirked. "I wonder if I could have a little word." He drifts round the corner, half-naked.

"Gleeennnn!" I shout quietly.

"I don't want to interfere, or anything... but she's single, that's right isn't it?" I nod. "And she's in your house?" I nod again "And you get on very well?" Again I nod wonder what his getting at. "Well, isn't this perhaps a good opportunity to... slip her one?"

"Glen! For God's sake she's in trouble get a grip!"

"Right. Right. You think it's the wrong moment. Fair enough. Do you mind if I have a go?"

"Glen! Jesus just goes to bed already."

I go back to the sofa and lay back down trying to drift off, when yet more footsteps come into the room. That boy just does not know when to quit. "Oh please sod off."

"Okay." That wasn't Glen.

"No! No. Wait. I... thought you were someone else. I thought you were Glen again. I'm delighted you're not."

Even though the darkness of the living room made it hard to see I could still see Ashley lit up by moonlight that was streaming through the curtains. I walked towards her to the middle of the room.

"You need something?" I whispered not meaning to but I didn't want to ruin the quiet.

"Erm… I have something for you and I wanted to give it to you now before I bottled out, I know it's late… but it's a thank you and erm… yeah" She was cute when she babbled, even cuter when she scrunched her nose up in thought. A few moments later she handed me a disc. "I recorded it for you while I've been away I was going to post it but… well erm I didn't… so…" She turned to leave but I grabbed her wrist lightly and she turned back.

"Are you not going to stick around while I'll play it? I mean it is late but if I don't listen to it now I'll be wondering all night." I grinned and she returned it ten-fold. I went over to the DVD player, put the disc and hit play.

Instantly the sound of a beautiful guitar intro filled the living room followed by Ashley's husky talented tone of voice.

_I can't run anymore,_

_I fall down before you,_

_Here I am,  
I have nothing left,  
Though I've tried to forget,  
You're all that I am,  
Take me home,  
I'm through fighting it,  
Broken, Lifeless,  
I give up,  
You're my only strength,  
Without you,  
I can't go on,  
Anymore,  
Ever again._

I moved back to stand with her in the middle of the room. I could see the tears ready to fall from her eyes and I scoped her up in a big hug holding her close, tightly trying to let her know I wasn't going anywhere even if we were jus friends at this moment in time.

My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love.

I felt damp on my shoulder and a muttered 'I'm sorry' I knew she was crying. I pulled back a little and cupped her face tilting her head to look me in the eyes. 

I can't run anymore,  
I give myself to you,  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry,  
In all my bitterness,  
I ignored,  
All that's real and true,  
All I need is you,  
When night falls on me,  
I'll not close my eyes,  
I'm too alive,  
And you're too strong,  
I can't lie anymore,  
I fall down before you,  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry.

I ran my thumb over her lips and watched as she closed her eyes at my touch and I used that opportunity to take her bottom lip in-between mine and sucked softly. She opened her eyes and we took a moment to really look at each other before our lips met again more passionately. 

My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love.

She pulled me tight into her, lips never parting and ran her hands down my back and back up again under my shirt taking it with her as it was discarded across my living room floor. I moved to her neck and placed butterfly kisses along her jaw line to her shoulder.

Constantly ignoring,  
The pain consuming me,  
But this time it's cut too deep,  
I'll never stray again.

"Wow" The shivers go all the way up from my toes to the tip of my head and all I can think is 'I really, really want to do that again'

"What?" She looked at my with her beautiful hazel brown eyes, I just shook my head and kissed her again and god did it feel good, perfect even.

My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love,  
My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love.

Her song stopped but she didn't god her lips felt incredible and soft too. I pulled back an inch just to see if she was going to run. None of which followed and our lips met again, I felt her tongue glide across my bottom lip begging for entrance which I quickly granted. We kissed until my lungs were burning, in need of air. She slowly placed a couple more butterfly kisses on my neck I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. We pulled apart, I grabbed her wrist to try to slow her. Did I really want to do this? Caught up in my thoughts she avoided my defence and gave me more kisses on my neck. Oh to hell with it this felt amazing!

I stood staring at her until, what I can only describe as an unstoppable force, made me crash into her once more. Our mouths fused together, building up passions and wants I never knew I had. I was craving more of her, wanted all of her. I walked her over to the sofa and pushed my weight forward, never breaking the kiss laid her down onto her back. We both gasped at the full body contact. Our kissing became more sensual and a rush of wetness snuck up on me.

Ashley flipped us over until I was on my back and instantly we were kissing again. I was getting hotter, so was she as the kissing turned into a heavy make-out session. I sat up to slide my hands up her and down her lower back, I pulled her even closer to me with a furious want our centres bumping eliciting a moan from both of us.

She straddled me lowering herself on top of me kissing my neck down to my chest in between my breasts and back up to my mouth. We infused in another heated kiss as I slowly undid her bra, she gasped knowing where this was going. We both wanted it, we could tell seeing the desires in one an others eyes.

I sat up slightly and rested on my elbows as I kissed and licked at her chest, she slowly undid my bra and slipped the straps off and down my arms with a feather like touch that gave me goose pimples. I took her right nipple into my mouth and sucked, swirling my tongue around the now hardened nub. She let a guttural moan escape her lips and pushed me back down, hard. Her mouth was everywhere, god I needed… she grabbed both my breasts and circled them in her palms slowly kissing and licking down my stomach as she went. My nether regions were throbbing like crazy, I wanted release.

She was almost at the place I needed her most, as her hands made their way downwards she looped my knickers with her fingers and tugged them down. Climbing back up my body kissing me furiously again she laid fully on top of me completely naked. I slid her pants down over her hips and stroked up her front to her face, I pulled her in for another kiss, her eyes full of lust and arousal. Sliding her whole body down against me until her mouth was right near where I wanted her to be. She placed a kiss as she looked up at my face for any sign I wanted to stop, I could of cum right then and there.

I felt my lips being parted and her tongue licked from the bottom of my slit right up and around my clit. My hips bucked upwards, I didn't know how much more I could take. Her tongue intruded straight into me I thought the wetness down there might drown her. Slowly I felt the pace build up as she slipped it in and out of me, occasionally pulling out to lick and bite my clit.

I could feel my oncoming orgasm building up inside me and whimpered as she removed her tongue from inside, only to have her two fingers slam back into me. Ash hit the spot time and time again, faster and harder until I started to see all sorts of colours behind my eye lids. My breathing became heavy and I started to pant due to lack of air. I couldn't take it I was going to cum any second. She came back up and placed a long lingering kiss on my lips before doing the exact same on my clit she curled her fingers up and I fell over the edge, moaning trying to catch my breath as I silently screamed. I rode out my orgasm on her fingers until she pulled out. Man, I was spent! I'd never felt like this.

Lying down next to me looking at my now probably sweaty face, she licked her fingers clean taking the time to make sure her lips stayed wet. She leant down over my face and kissed me with so much love it made my heart hurt, if that was possible, I tasted my self in her mouth and the kisses built up again and I wasted no time in slipping my hand between our bodies.

Her turn……

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	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry it took so long again... :( Enjoy reviews and advice always welcome :)**

It was the middle of the night when I stirred, half asleep I could feel the warmth of Ashley right beside me as her arm reaches out to touch my shoulder and then she wriggled across and re-settled herself, tenderly, right next to me, curling even closer. I became more awake just watching her sleep, listening to her breathing and feeling the little breaths she took along my neck, I didn't have to be told how extraordinary this all was.

I drifted back off to sleep and didn't wake again until morning, revealing in the small touches and kisses that were shared. We lay like this for a while with Ash's arm draped over my stomach gently stroking my still naked sides. I loved it I leant down to kiss her head, making her look up at me.

"It still strikes me as, well, surreal, that I'm allowed to see you naked."

"Yeah well, you and every person in this country." She sighed and I regretted what I said immediately.

"Oh God yes, I'm sorry." But she just smiled up at me and kissed my chin.

"You know what they say though 'Go to bed with a rock star… Wake up with plain old me.' Do you feel that way?"

"Who said that?"

"Me… just you know people think they go to bed with the dream because I'm famous and then they didn't like it when they woke up with the reality, do you feel that way with me?"

I gave it some thought for all of ten seconds "You're lovelier this morning than you have ever been."

"Oh." She said very touched looking at me carefully almost to see if she could any sign of a lie. Seeing none I hope she leapt out of bed. "I'll be back."

About half an hour later she returns a tray of toast and tea. "Breakfast in bed or lunch, or brunch…" She smiled and sat on the bed. "Can I stay a bit longer?"

"Stay forever." As soon as she asked it just slipped out but as I looked up at her beautiful smile I knew it was the right thing to say and that I hadn't just scared her off.

"Damn, I forgot the jam." Then the doorbell went. "You get the door, I'll get the jam."

I headed down the corridor to open the door only to be blinded outside by hundreds of paparazzi it was an explosion of cameras and questions, of noise and light. The press seem to fill the entire street. "Jesus Christ." I go back inside, snapping the door shut behind me.

"What?" Ashley appeared in the corridor

"Don't ask." She headed back the corridor, with no suspicion.

"You're up to something..." She thinks I'm fooling around and opened the door, but she got the same explosion, in a split second she was back inside.

"Oh My God and they got a photo of you dressed like that?"

"Undressed like this, yes." Realization kicking in, as she rushed to grab the house phone from its rest.

"It's Ash. The press are here… No, there are hundreds of them, my brilliant plan was not so brilliant after all… Yeh, I know, I know… Just get me out then." She hung up. "Damn it." She ran upstairs.

I turned to Glen who was roaming around half naked and zombie like. " I wouldn't go outside."

"Why?"

"Just take my word for it." I go upstairs after Ashley. When I get to my room she's almost dressed. "How are you doing?"

"How do you think I'm doing?" She snapped but her eyes said differently.

"I don't know what happened…"

She cut me off "I do. Your furry dipstick of a brother thought he'd make a buck or two telling the papers where I was." She said while starting to pack.

"That's not true."

"Really!? The entire British press just woke up this morning and thought 'Hey…I know where Ashley Davies is... She's in that house with the blue door in Notting Hill.' And then you go out in your goddamn underwear."

"I went out in my goddamn underwear too." Glen dropped in.

"Get out, Glen." I bark and he does I face Ashley once more. "I'm so sorry."

"This is such a mess. I come to you to protect myself against more crappy gossip and now I'm landed in it all over again. For God's sake, I've got a girlfriend."

"You do?" I felt the air tense in a difficult moment we were defining where we stand. I felt my stomach drop.

"As far as they're concerned I do. And now tomorrow there'll be pictures of you in every newspaper from here to Timbuktu."

"I know, I know but... just let's stay calm..." I was really trying not to scream at her after her little confession and tried to keep my voice calm.

"No! You can stay calm…" Her whole body was shaking "It's the perfect situation for you minimum input, maximum publicity. Everyone you ever bump into will know. 'Well done you… you slept with that rock star -- we've seen the pictures.'"

"That's spectacularly unfair." I couldn't believe she thought I looked at her like that after all we had spoken about, it really hurt.

"Who knows, it may even help your business. Buy a boring book about Egypt from the girl who screwed Ashley Davies."

She walked out of the room and straight down the stairs.

"I just want to go home." The doorbell goes.

"Glen, check who that is... and for God's sake put some clothes on."

"Looks like a chauffeur to me." Glen calls down the stairs.

"And remember… He owes you an expensive dinner. Or holiday depending if he's got the brains to get the going rate on betrayal."

"That's not true. And wait a minute... this is crazy behaviour. Can't we just laugh about this? Seriously in the huge sweep of things, this stuff doesn't matter. My best friend slipped… she slipped down- stairs, cracked her back and she's in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. All I'm asking for is a normal amount of perspective."

"You're right: of course, you're right. It's just that I've dealt with this garbage for ten years now, you've had it for ten minutes. Our perspectives are different."

"But I mean, today's newspapers will be lining tomorrow's waste paper bins. You know it's just one day. Today's papers will all have been thrown away tomorrow."

"You really don't get it do you? This story gets filed, every time anyone writes anything about me they'll dig up these photos. Newspapers last forever. I'll regret this forever."

I felt my heart lurch and immediately wanted to cry "Right… Fine… I will do the opposite, if it's all right by you and always be glad you came to stay. But you're right you probably better go."

She looked at me guiltily and went to say something but the doorbell went again and she opened up the door and disappeared into the crowd of people with her bodyguards.

I walked into the kitchen slowly what just happened sinking in. I sat down opposite Glen. "Was it you?"

"I suppose I might have told one or two people when I was getting the pizza."

"Right…" I put my head in my hands.

It was all over now.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for the reviews guy keep them coming. Also a shout out to breathe4her because Points Underneath is amazingly awesome and because she celebrated her anniversary with her wife recently so congrats you guys ur like inspiration to us all :) xx**

Six Months Later.

Another grey day in the bookshop and I'm starting to get the feeling that some things just never change, my feelings for Ashley for example are still in full whack and its been six months! I can't shake them and nobody else even compares.

I sat at my desk contemplating until Honey rushed in. "Have i got something for you. Something which will make you loves me so much you'll want to hug me every single day for the rest of my life."

"Blimey. What's that?" I tried to sound upbeat but it was becoming more and more difficult recently.

"The phone numbers of Ashley's agents in London and the one in New York. You can ring her… You think about her all the time, now you can ring her!"

"Well, thanks, that's great." I put on a smile for my sisters sake and watched as she headed back out the door.

Later on that evening we all got together to eat dinner at the local resturant while Paula gave her speech I put my head in my hands feeling sorry for my self once more.

"…work out, and some things don't, why some of us get lucky and some of us..."

"... get fired." Aiden piped up and my head shot off the table to look at him. "Yes, they're shifting the whole outfit much more towards the trading side and of course..." He shrugged "I was total crap." I looked around the table they all mirrored my stunned face.

"Are there any more announcements?" My father asked whilst still in shock from Aiden's bomb.

"Yes." I felt all eyes on me it was time to own up. "I feel I must apologize to everyone for my behaviour for the last six months. I have, as you know, been slightly down in the mouth."

"There's an understatement. There are dead people on better form…" Huffed my dad.

"…But I wish to make it clear I've turned a corner and henceforward intend to be impressively happy."

Two hours later after a very good time of chocolate cakes and lots of alcohol. Dad and I were sitting relaxing "I'm horribly drunk."

My dad sniggered "Yes, you really are… So, you've laid the ghost then? Don't give a damn about the famous girl."

"No, don't think I do." I felt a sharp tug at my heart, not sure whether it was lying to my dad or lying about my feelings for Ashley.

"Which means you won't be distracted by the fact that she's back in London, grasping her awards, and to be found recording one of her new videos most days on Hampstead Heath."

He put down a copy of the 'Evening Standard' with a picture of Ashley on its cover.

"Oh God no." I felt immediate gloom.

"So, not quite over her then really are you?" I turned to face my dad smiling at me sympathetically.

I knew if she was in range I had to see her at least for closure or to try and do something to make what I was feeling go away.

I decided to go next morning and set off around ten trying to find the location of the shoot. When I finally found it there was a big security guard on the gate.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I was looking for Ashley Davies..." He just looked at me smirking.

"Does she know you're coming?"

"No, no. She doesn't."

"I'm afraid I can't really let you through then." He turned back to his buddy rudely.

"Oh right. I mean, I am a friend, I'm not a lunatic but… no, you basically..."

"... Can't let you through..."

At that moment, thirty yards away, I saw her trailer door open and out she came looking extraordinary in a velvet dress; full, beautiful make-up; rich, extravagant hair. She has the usual necessary cluster of people around her. I watched her walk a few yards, and then casually turn her head my way noticing me her face registers not just surprise, certainly not a simple smile. Then slowly she began to walk over, and followed by her cluster, she made her way towards me.

When she reaches me the security guard stood back a pace, to let me through and I made sure I returned his smirk from earlier.

"This is certainly... ah..."

"I only found out you were here yesterday." I jumped in, not really knowing what to say.

"I was going to ring... but... I didn't think you'd want to..." She looked at me guilty "It's not going very well and it's our last day to get the clips we need."

"Absolutely you're clearly very busy." I nod and turn to leave.

"…But... wait... there are things to say."

I turned back smiling. "Okay."

"Drink tea, there's lots of tea." I laughed and watched as she was ushered back and an acoustic guitar was thrust in her hand.

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

"Come and have a look..." I turned to the first assistant "Ashley's never done anything like this before, its going well but its taking more time than we thought it would." She smiled and motioned for me to follow her.

A complicated shot is about to happen with waves of extras floating around and a huge moving crane.

I watched as Ashley did as she was told to get the shots needed. "Ok thanks to you all that's a wrap." I heard a burly man say "Lets watch this back and go home!"

We were all ushered around a screen and Ashley appeared on screen sitting in an interview type room speaking.

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind… Consciously, you've forgotten it… That's the way the human mind works… Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it… We erase it from our memories… But the imprint is always there…"

_Can't wash it all away,  
Can't wish it all away,  
Can't hope it all away,  
Can't cry it all away._

Slowly the Ashley on screen picked up a guitar and sung.

_The pain that grips you,  
The fear that binds you,  
Releases life in me,  
In our mutual,  
Shame we idolize,  
To blind them from the truth ,  
That finds a way from who we are,_

_Please don't be afraid,  
When the darkness fades away,  
The dawn will break the silence,  
Screaming in our hearts,  
My love for you still grows,  
This I do for you,  
Before I try to fight the truth,  
My final time._

I'd never seen someone sing with such raw emotion, it faded to Ashley sitting in a chair talking to the camera. "We're supposed to try and be real. And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."

A tear slipped down her face and it now flashed back to her with the band backing her beautiful vocal chords.

_Can't wash it all away,  
Can't wish it all away,  
Can't cry it all away,  
Can't scratch it all away._  
"You're not alone, are you?" Someone unseen asked Ashley "Never... Never"

Lying beside you,  
Listening to you breathe,  
The life that flows inside of you,  
Burns inside of me,  
Hold and speak to me,  
Of love without a sound,  
Tell me you will live through this,  
And I will die for you,  
Cast me not away,  
Say you'll be with me,  
For I know I cannot,  
Bear it all alone.

I felt a hand slip into mine and turned to see Ashley smiling sadly, not knowing if I should say anything I just squeezed her hand and smiled back.

_Can't fight it all away,  
Can't hope it all away,  
Can't scream it all away,  
It just won't fade away, No._  
"But the answer is always there… Nothing is ever really forgotten…Please don't hate me… Cause I'd die if you do." A sad looking Ashley then disappeared from the screen all together.

Can't wash it all away,  
Can't wish it all away,  
Can't cry it all away,  
Can't scratch it all away,

Can't fight it all away,  
Can't hope it all away,  
Can't scream it all away,  
Ooh, it all away,  
Ooh, it all away.

The last sentence repeated until the screen faded black. Ash kissed my cheek "I'll be right back, I've got to say thanks and byes then we can get out of here."

She approached the director "Hey, thanks for everything James I'm off now but I hope to work with you again soon, I have all your details and I'll be in touch."

"Ok, well done for today you did really well considering the songs not something you're used to doing."

"I'm a natural" She told him smirking and I swear she winked, I laughed my girls a flirt, and wait was she my girl now?

"Oh, stop showing off. So, who was that rather gorgeous blonde you were talking to on the way up?" I don't think she was aware I was stood only a little way behind her and was in earshot and was quite intrigued to hear what she said.

"Oh... No one just someone from the past, I don't know what she's doing here, bit of an awkward situation."

My stomach dropped yet again of course, I was nothing to her but yet again I let myself believe I was. I couldn't take anymore of this, my heart couldn't either, so I escaped it and ran home not caring about the shouts that followed me.


	14. Chapter 14

**For goshNyikes who made me blush earlier :) and for Oi Blondie because you review a lot and i appreciate it, i'm "Finding your Story" amazing lol**

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* * *

I calmed down at home then went to work as usual in a foul mood, doing the accounts in the Aiden pretty much left me to it knowing not to get on my nerves when I was ticked off about something.**

"I hate to disturb you when you're cooking the books, but there's a delivery." He said not daring to step right in the room.

"Aiden, can't you just deal with this yourself?" I snapped

"But it's not for the shop. It's for you." I gave in.

"Okay. Tell me, would I have to pay a wet rag as much as I pay you?"

I walked into the main part of the shop and there Ashley stood, in tight fit skinny jeans a black clingy vest top and aviators. "Hi." She shrugged "You disappeared."

"Yes, I'm sorry. I had to leave... I didn't want to disturb you." I lied

"Well... how have you been?"

"Fine thanks, everything's much the same. Whereas you... I've watched in wonder. Awards, glory..."

"Oh no. It's all nonsense, believe me. I had no idea how much nonsense it all was but nonsense it all is..." She was nervous and fiddling with her hands as she spoke to me. "Well, today was our last day filming and so I'm just off but I brought you this from home, and..." She handed me another CD. "I thought I'd give it to you."

"Thank you. Shall I..." I went to open it.

"No, don't listen to it yet, I'll be embarrassed." She blushed.

"Okay well, thank you. I don't know what it's for but thank you anyway."

"I actually made it in my apartment in New York and just thought you'd... but, when it came to it, I didn't know how to call you... having behaved so... badly, twice. So I left it sitting in the hotel. But then... you came, so I figured... the thing is... the thing is…"

"What's the thing?" Then the door pings. In walks the annoying customer, Mr. Smith. "Don't even think about it. Go away immediately." Mr. Smith was taken aback by my abrupt manner and therefore completely obedient and leaves. "You were saying..."

"Yes. The thing is... I have to go away today but I wondered, if I didn't, whether you might let me see you a bit...or, a lot maybe... see if you could... like me again."

She paused to let me take it in. "But yesterday... that director asked you who I was... and you just dismissed me out of hand... I heard, I wasn't standing that far away."

"You expect me to tell the truth about my life to the most indiscreet man in the business?" She shrugged "Is it so wrong for me to want you to myself for a while before everyone sticks their nose in and the media have a free fall?"

"Ash, look, I'm a fairly level-headed person. Not often in and out of love. But..." I couldn't really express what I felt. "... Can I just say 'no' to your kind request and leave it at that?"

"... Yes, that's fine of course. I... you know... of course... I'll just... be getting along then... nice to see you."

"The truth is..." I felt like I should explain. "... with you, I'm in real danger. It took like a perfect situation, apart from that foul temper of yours but my relatively inexperienced heart would, I fear, not recover if I was once again... cast aside, which I would absolutely expect to be. There are too many pictures of you everywhere, too many CD's, music videos. You'd go and I'd be... well, buggered, basically."

"I see." She nodded "That reality is a real 'no,' isn't it?"

"I live in here. You travel everywhere all the time. Everyone in the world knows who you are. My mother has trouble remembering my name."

"Okay. Fine… Fine… Good decision." She nodded again. "The fame thing isn't really real, you know. Don't forget I'm also just a girl, standing in front of another, asking her to love me." She stepped forward and kissed me on the cheek. "Bye." Then turned and left, left me.


	15. Chapter 15

I sat next to the CD player watching it flash as it waited for me to press play, I'd been sat here for what seemed like an eternity just working up the courage to press that little button. Truth was I didn't know if I wanted to hear what was on the disc, I knew it would be a song, I knew it would be about me but I just didn't know if I'd be able to handle it but I had to know.

I pushed play.

A slow melody on the piano started as soon as I heard the first chord I was in love with the song, I listened hard as Ashley was letting her feelings flow straight through notes.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

I closed my eyes and thought of all the time we'd spent together, the laughs, tears and of course that night. As soon as one song finished it moved into the next one.

_How many times have you told me you love her  
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth  
How long have I stood here beside you  
I live through you  
You looked through me_

Ooh, Solitude,  
Still with me is only you  
Ooh, Solitude,  
I can't stay away from you

How many times have I done this to myself  
How long will it take before I see  
When will this hole in my heart be mended  
Who now is left alone but me

Ooh, Solitude,  
Forever me and forever you  
Ooh, Solitude,  
Only you, only true

Everyone leaves me stranded  
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind  
I can't stay here another night

My heart broke at her confession, she ran because she was scared I'd leave her again, she was letting these lyrics explain her feelings.

Your secret admirer  
Who could it be

Ooh, Can't you see  
All along it was me  
How can you be so blind  
As to see right through me

And Ooh, Solitude,  
Still with me is only you  
Ooh, Solitude,  
I can't stay away from you

Ooh, Solitude,  
Forever me and forever you  
Ooh, Solitude,  
Only you, only true

A tear slipped down my face as the next song started, there was only 3 tracks on the CD so I new this one was the last.

_I've been watching you from a distance  
the distance sees through your disguise  
All I want from you is your hurting  
I want to heal you _

_I want to save you from the dark_

Give unto me your troubles  
I'll endure your suffering  
Place onto me your burden  
I'll drink your deadly poison

Why should I care if they hurt you  
Somehow it matters more to me  
Than if I were hurting myself  
Save you (save you)  
I'll save you

Give unto me your troubles  
I'll endure your suffering  
Place onto me your burden  
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle  
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness  
Give unto me all that frightens you  
I'll have your nightmares for you  
If you sleep soundly

Give unto me your troubles  
I'll endure your suffering  
Place onto me your burden  
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle  
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness  
Give unto me all that frightens you  
I'll have your nightmares for you  
If you sleep soundly

Fear not the flame of my love's candle  
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness

I was a mess after listening to all the songs again to make sure I had heard them right, I couldn't take it anymore, I loved her she loved me we should just be able to be. I ran out the door and all the way to my parents house.

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Songs are My Immortal, Solitude and Give Unto Me by the fantastic Evanescence all belongs to them of course :) if you havent heard of them you should be shot lol check them out if not complete musical/lyrical geniuses =D x


	16. Chapter 16

Pounding on the door, my dad flung the door open. "Spencer! What's wrong?!"

"How fast is your car?!" I was panting almost jumping up and down wanting to get to Ashley.

He smirked "Come on I'll drive you…" at my confused face he added "You're going to get your girl?"

"Yeah!!" We shoot up Stanley Crescent breaking every speeding law, down Kensington Church Street, then up Knightsbridge, Hyde Park Corner and we illegally turn right across Piccadilly the wrong way down a one-way street and finally end up outside the Ritz. I jumped out of the car and sprinted into the hotel.

"Is Miss Davies staying here?"

"No, miss."

"What about a Mrs Flintstone?"

"No, miss."

"Or Bambi... or, I don't know, Beavis or Butthead?" I didn't know my Disney characters after sixth year I didn't think I'd need them again until I had children.

The man just shakes his head.

"No, miss."

"Right… Right… Fair enough. Thanks." I turned around disappointed and took two steps before the Ritz man spoke again.

"There was a Miss Pocahontas in room 126 but she checked out an hour ago. I believe she's holding a press conference at The Savoy before flying to America." My face lit up in a face breaking grin so grateful I kissed the Ritz man and skipped out.

I got back in the car as we speed through London, once we pull to a stop I leap out once more.

I rushed up to the front desk. "Excuse me, where's the press conference?"

"Are you an accredited member of the press?" The pompous snob asked.

"Yes..." Thinking quickly I held up any old card out of my pockets.

"That's a Blockbuster video membership card, miss." I looked, so it was, I smirked.

"That's right... I work for their in-house magazine." I mimed quotation marks "Movies are our business."

"Fine madam, it's in the Lancaster suite but you're very late."

I ran searching until I found the room, and entered the huge room full of press, there was row after row of journalists, cameras at the front, TV cameras at the back. Ashley clearly only gives press conferences very rarely, because this one is positively presidential. With her people either side of her she looked of utmost importance but it didn't seem to effect her at all as she sat quite calmly obviously used to the hype and attention.

I looked up to where there all had their eyes directed she was sat at a table at the end of the room, brown curls around her face and I could see her beautiful hazel eyes from where I was stood, as I slowly made my forward to the middle of the room.

She was answering the questions that were asked by certain journalists in the audience picked out by one of the man sitting next to her.

"How much longer are you staying in the UK then?"

"No time at all. I fly out tonight." I swallowed, she was leaving I might not have another chance with her if that happened, I stuck my hand in the air not really sure what I would say but I had to do something.

"Is your decision to take a year off anything to do with the rumours about Kelly and her present leading lady?"

"Absolutely not" I was amazed at how she remained so still, peaceful even when they were asking such personal questions.

"Do you believe the rumours?"

"It's really not my business any more. Though I will say, from my experience, that rumours about Kelly... do tend to be true." She fired back with such grace.

They loved that answer, and all began to scribble in their note books. Next question came from someone right next to me.

"Last time you were here, there were some fairly graphic photographs of you and a blonde English girl, so what happened there?"

"She was just a friend we're still friends I hope." She looked down at the table.

"Next question please, the lady in the pink shirt." Realising that that was in fact me I thought of a question.

"Yes… Miss Davies… is there any circumstances in which you two might be more than just friends?" She looked up from the table and straight at me, noticing who it was asking the question.

"I hoped there might be but no, I'm assured there aren't."

"And what would you say..." I got cut off by the man sitting next to her. meet.

"No, it's just one question per person." He must have been her PA I recognised him from when me and Ashley first met but Ashley over spoke him.

"No, let her... ask away. You were saying?"

"Yes… erm I just wondered whether if it turned out that this... person... I just wondered if they realized they were a idiot and got down on their knees and begged you to reconsider, whether you would... you know… reconsider?"

I waited for the longest time. "Yes, I'm pretty sure I would."

"That's very good news." She turned to her guy and whispered in his ear.

"Dominic, if you'd like to ask your question again?" he asked pointing out somebody I couldn't quite see.

"Yes, Ashley how long is it you are intending to stay in London for?" There was a pause as she looked up at me and I nodded.

"Indefinitely" We both smiled across the room from each other suddenly the press gets what's going on and they all turned on me and start flashing their cameras at me and Ash.

Finally we had both said and done what we needed to, in front of half the British press no less but still it was out in the open now.

This would work.


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry it took so incredibly long. Thanks to all those who read this even more to those who have reviewed. Plus Khaye, Nhiza and E.J** **for the nudges lol. This is the final chapter...**

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A few years later Ashley had proposed perfectly and with my answer being yes we were still going strong along with Ashley's career, things could not have been better for us. Today though we were going to some huge award ceremony, screaming crowds, expensive dresses and people touching my baby, I hated it but I did it for her. She liked showing me off and I was proud to be hers so there was no harm in it, plus she always made it up to me afterwards.

Both ready to go and in the limo, we had learned the hard way not to get to physical on the way there so we kept it PG, as we pulled to a stop Ashley took my hand and gave it a small squeeze helping me out.

We walked up the red carpet she slipped her arm around my waist as she spoke to the many reporters and sighed for fans on the way into the building. We made our way to the front tables where we were sitting and the dinner flew by Ashley was nominated for best female artist which she got and then best single, which she got.

"Thank you all very much for everything, in particular to my girlfriend Spencer who without her this award would not be possible because the track would not of been made. I love you baby." My heart swelled that she just announced she loved me in public in front of millions of people. Ashley then went on to perform her single live.

The cheering could have been heard in China.

_The words have been drained from this pencil_

_Sweet words that I want to give you_

_And I can't sleep_

_I need to tell you_

_Goodnight_

_When we're together, I feel perfect_

_When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart_

_All you say is sacred to me_

_Your eyes are so blue_

_I can't look away_

_As we lay in the stillness_

_I'll whisper to you,_

_Baby, marry me_

_Promise you'll stay with me_

_Oh you don't have to ask me_

_You know you're all that I live for_

_You know I'd die just to hold you_

_Stay with you_

_Somehow I'll show you_

_That you are my night sky_

_I've always been right behind you_

_Now I'll always be right beside you_

_So many nights I cried myself to sleep_

_Now that you love me, I love myself_

_I never thought I would say this_

_I never thought there'd be_

_You. _

Of course, everyone here knew it was about me and if that wasn't obvious enough the music video played on the big screens, pictures of us, little videos of us messing around. I remember the last clip of us Christmas before last when Ash had given me a promise ring saying she was mine forever but was just practising for the real thing because she wanted it to be perfect, reducing me to tears naturally. Now of course she really was going to be, I still couldn't' believe how lucky I was.

After the awards were over we decided to go for dinner, Ashley wanted to go to The Ritz so we got out regular booth and ordered our usual.

"So, did you enjoy tonight?" She asked shyly.

"Of course baby, the song, the speech it was all great, 'You' were amazing" I smiled when she got the pun.

We finished up eating feeding each other small bites and joking around, discussing wedding plans, we always had fun.

We always would.

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**Take care everyone and best wishes,**

**xxx**


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